To Success...

I got stuck in the goddamn elevator today. Can you believe that shit? First thing in the morning and I get into the side elevator, press 3, and hope for the best. NOTHING. No movement, just closed doors. NOTHING AT ALL. I start to panic... minutes go by... I press 1. I press OPEN DOORS. I start to FREAK THE FUCK OUT. After reality set in that I was in fact STUCK in an elevator, I actually decided to press the Emergency Button. That bright red button is somewhat comforting and I hear ringing and then some voice that really sounds like a recording “Elevator 3 needs assistance immediately.” And then, nothing. I stand there. Another couple minutes go by. And my mind starts racing with a billion different thoughts. What if I have to pee? What if no one is at work yet to rescue me? Should I call someone on my cell phone? Will it work in here?

Then, miraculously... the elevator starts to move upwards and opens on the 3rd floor. I get out. And I never look back. I have no idea what happened or if anyone showed up to rescue me and I wasn’t there... all I know is that I’m taking the stairs today.

Another day started with total anxiety.

Yesterday, I was driving into work late and saw signs about a missing greyhound on 122. Now, I think about that greyhound and it bothers me that he’s missing and I’m going down a giant hill... All of a sudden a dog creature darts out in front of my truck and I miraculously MISS it. I mean, I don’t know how I did it. I thought for sure I was going to hit that creature... I was going over the speed limit (of course) and the thing literally looked at my truck and went for it anyway. I yelled inside my truck, bracing myself for the WORST. Nothing. And I say creature b/c I have no idea what that thing was. It was honestly the most DISGUSTING looking dog I’ve ever seen. It was tall and skinny and mangy. It had the body of a greyhound and ran like a deer. It had short, wiry silver hair. Yet it had the head of a fox. At first I thought, silver fox? Nah, way too big. Definitely a dog. I called M to calm me down b/c after just barely missing this creature, my heart was pounding so bad I thought it would explode. And my feet were shaking against the pedals. “Sounds like it was either a coyote or a coy dog—a coyote that was bred with something like a german shepherd.” Wow, really? They have those in Worcester?

So anyway, the fact that I missed yoga AGAIN last night is really a bad thing this week. I need some relaxation and mind clearing. Sometimes, don’t you just feel like there is too much to think about? M gets upset with me because he thinks I should make time and just do it on my own. When, exactly? I leave for work at 7:30am and I get home at 8:30-9pm. By then, its jewelry time. I put my lunch together for work the next day and I shower and go to bed just before 11pm. Besides, its just not the same as going to a class and being forced into total relaxation. If I’m at home, in the bedroom (b/c M is watching the Sox game in the living room), I can think of 29 things I could be doing instead. And its kinda hard to do sun signs when you can hear Remy’s voice in the background, calling out a Lowell double. But, deep down, I know he’s right... I need to do it. I just need to make the time. If only I could wake up earlier. I should try that tomorrow. Nix that. I WILL DO that tomorrow... That’s Today’s Goal: Wake up 20 minutes early tomorrow to do yoga before leaving for work.

Right now, I feel like I don’t have enough time to do everything I want to do. For instance, I want to go on a bike ride (but I’m still scared about the porcupine thing). I want to hit the beach and boogie board (but every Saturday, I’m at the Farmer’s Market). Spend time with my sister (because I’ve told her for 2 weeks now that I would head down and I haven’t). I want to take the kayaks out (Alex, let me know about Thursday). I would love to get some more beads (But I don’t really have money to spend on that right now). I need to come up with a better display for our jewelry table (Again, the money thing). I could keep going with this...

See, I have an excuse for everything. Sometimes I feel like I have too many excuses to avoid doing the things I want to do. Why? I’ve heard about people who are afraid to succeed. I actually know people who have admitted that to me. Am I one? I don’t think so... But there’s got to be something that holds me back.

Today’s It Sounded Like a Good Idea at the Time: I’m eating a watermelon muffin for breakfast.

Today’s Casting Call: Who’s taking a Monday off in a few weeks with me to go boogie boarding on the beach?

Today’s Evidence That My Job is AWESOME: I’m going to iParty today for a non-profit clearance free for all with DJ.

Last Night’s Surprise: BFF, who came out to the homestead to get some ice cream. And I got to meet the elusive Bill and visit with the niece, who has just taken her first steps. Cheers to Mell-Bell. And let me know if the BBQ is on for Saturday.