The Mother Load

And so we’ve begun the countdown to the 10 year high school reunion.

Let’s take a step back to appreciate how much of a trainwreck this event has become, shall we?

It started out that we had such a low turnout response, that the committee threatened to cancel it entirely. When I heard that, my sickness that is outreach, decided to approach any and all Class of 1997 participants and ask them if they were attending the reunion. I think I lost all dignity after approaching person #139. “ARE YOU COMING TO THE REUNION? YOU SHOULD! IT’S GOING TO BE SOOO FUN!”

Essentially, the turnout has grown, but is still not what we hoped, which is surprising. Our class was actually pretty cool – meaning, we didn’t have a lot of cliques and people got along. So I just assumed people would want to get together for a good time. I had no idea we’d be facing a deficit on this party – particularly since tickets are $35 each. I bought Matt’s too $70.

I also assumed I would spend less than $100 on everything I needed for the party.

Let’s just skip over that last part. To fully appreciate my plight, you must know that I have been to the Greendale Mall, Auburn Mall, Blackstone Valley Shoppes, Natick Mall, Solomon Pond Mall (twice in one wkd) and so numerous are the websites that I’ve visited that I’m pretty sure my work’s IT department is going to shut me down – or at least give me limited access to Internet Explorer.

I’ve pre-shopped (;0) at Forever21, Nordstroms, Macys and Neiman Marcus. I’ve been to Yoox, AE, Aeropostale, JCrew, Banana, Overstock, and H&M online. I’ve been everywhere looking for the perfect top. That wow factor. The perfect shirt to go with my teeny little GAP straight lean jeans. They are super dark and fitted and long even though they are regular length and size smaller than I usually wear. They are in essence – beautiful $66 jeans.

I bought a black shirt at Macys that I thought might work, if it wasn’t so matronly. I knew that once I used the word matronly in an email to describe it, I had to return it. ASAP. $22. then -$22.

I bought giant crystal earrings for $28. Then returned them because $28 for earrings is retarded & it was a serious moment of desperation. -$28.

My mom bought me Marc Jacobs Daisy perfume for my birthday $0.

Then, there was a whole SHOE DEPARTMENT whirlwind at Macys. BCBG pewter wrap style pumps $80. Black Bandolino kitten heel booties with buckles $60. Black knee high flat equestrian tall pull on boots with steel loops on sides $100. You do the math. It makes me SICK to know that I even opened an account there to save the 20% but seeing as that amounted to around $50 – I had to.

I bought a black open cardigan drape from Forever21 that I thought I could just wrap and make into a black shirt for $23. Then I realized that I had only a $4 cotton white tank to wear underneath it. Not quite dressy enough. Even with the new black booties. And silver bracelet from Macys $5 and turquoise ring $5.

Hmmm…

I remembered the purple satin cocktail dress I had tried on in Forever21 under a gray sweater. It was cute, but too big in the bust area so I would need to have it altered in time. A friend told me her mom could do it. And it was beautiful but dressy and I didn’t want to look dressy. So I passed. I had bought the gray doll sparkly sweater with 3 buttons and collar I loved for $34 at Forever21 but I left without the dress - similar to this one. I figured I could wear it to work with the new black boots. And went to the Natick Mall the next day.

I loved this but didnt buy it because it really would just sit in my closet.

Now, if you don’t know, this mall is for millionaires. And even though I spend $ like a millionaire at times when I’m supposed to be saving for a house, I am not a rich person. So it was amazing… but far out of my reach. A direct quote: “We are browsing the designer clearance racks in Nordstroms.” I tried a beautiful BCBG blouse for $90 – ON SALE in Lord and Taylors. Couldn’t buy it. Just against all instincts. Kinda looked like this, only cuter with cut out designs.

So then I kept thinking about that dress. And we went to get it – but first I checked with my friend who said her mom could definitely alter it. I bought it for $30. So now I have the dress, the BCBG shoes, and the gray sweater to dress it down a little. And I got a text message at 7am which said, My mom can’t do it afterall. Sorry.

WTF.

So I went and got it pinned at a seamstress and the price? $40! So now my $30 steal dress is $70. And its still dressy.

God.

WHY.

I also bought a back up shirt at Forever21, which will always be the shirt I was supposed to buy in NYC (tried it on at a store that wasn’t Forever21 down near Canal Street). But it was too big there so I didn’t get it and I LOVED it. Mother of all surprises – there it was in Forever21 in my size $24. This tank will look beautiful with the jeans and pewter pumps.

But if I’m spending $70 on the dress, I’m going to have to wear it, right?

PS. Donations accepted.