Rules of Engagement

First rule of flying: Don’t EVER buy a connecting flight through Chicago in January.

Folks, I made it to Austin at 3:15am, when I was supposed to have been there by midnight. What happened? Flight delays due to ATC (air traffic control) and weather (Chicago). Nothing is quite as terrifying as sitting on a plane and the pilot telling you to sit tight because they haven’t been cleared for take-off and to just read a book like I’m doing. While en route to Chicago from Providence, a particularly bitchy flight attendant told me that because the delays were due to the weather, I would be on my own, if I missed my connection to Austin. Does that mean I sleep in O’Hare by myself overnight? I wouldn’t recommend it, she said, as she rolled her eyes. Fucking bitch. So for the next 2 hours and 20 minutes in the air, I straight up panicked. I panicked over NY, NJ, and PA. I cried. I realized I didn’t charge my iPod correctly. I sat in silence with nothing left to read or listen to and I panicked some more. Thoughts of sleeping in an airport the size of Kansas will do that to someone. But for whatever reason, by the grace of God, my connecting flight had also been delayed and was waiting for me when I arrived. In fact, I had to WAIT for it. So then, OBV, I cried some more and called BFF: I’m on my way – battered and bruised and having newly acquired a real fear of flying.

Second rule of flying: De-icing the plane is a lot scarier than it sounds, especially while in Chicago when you haven’t left the tarmack and its fastly approaching 12am and there are no other planes in sight.

I arrived in Austin to a sleepy BFF and a great new appreciation for highways and ramps. Seriously, Texas is ramp city. And the next day started out to be a wash because I was super keyed up the night before – and not in a good way. More in a way like you had just experienced bad head trauma. I checked online for the weather forecast on the way back and realized that I would do anything, give anything, PAY anything to not connect thru Chicago on the flight home to avoid what looked like another weather disaster. Tues forecast: Winter weather storm advisory in Chicago. Apparently, American Airlines only connects through O’Hare from Austin to Prov. So I went back and forth and found a flight on Southwest – one way that connected through Baltimore. MD was looking like rain and mid-40s. But I decided to wait on buying that ticket because everyone thought it was a little absurd to have 2 tickets for one day.

Third rule of flying: Check the weather forecast in every connecting city and buy another one way ticket if it’s looking bad. Don’t sweat the cost. It will eventually be worth it in every way.

Went on a shopping spree at some outlets out in Round Rock and discovered that I’m over Banana, JCrew, Guess, etc. I’m now into BCBG – Girls and Max Azria with a PASSION. I found 3 pieces that were way over my budget, but for some reason, on vacation, with BFF charging up near the $500 mark, I felt like throwing caution to the wind. I had to have these black pants. What a difference designer threads make.

Later that night, we discovered a hole in the wall Italian restaurant where we were the last to arrive. It turned out to be one of the best meals we’ve both ever had – complete with a dessert wine toast at the end with our very heavily accented chef. We did chocolate cake shots in a club that looked like a refrigerator. We drank some TX brew in a dueling piano bar where people pretty much came to tears while singing – and I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free… I got a DJ to play Hung Up in Qua, where we danced on a platform that was actually an aquarium filled with sharks and other marine life. We stood on some stairs overlooking Lance Armstrong’s club Six which we only got in because some guy let us sneak in the side door because we didn’t want to wait in the huge line outside. Oh yes, and did I mention we took a rick-shaw from 6^th Street to a few more places? Worcester needs to invest in these things. Best way to get around drunk ever.

Fourth rule of flying: Always trust your instinct. First thing Sunday morning, I bought the Southwest flight. $120 one way flight = priceless peace of mind.

The next day we took a picnic lunch out to Reimer’s Ranch and watched some rock climbers and ate by a small river that was crystal blue/green – 75 and warm and sunny. We hiked out to Hamilton Pool and headed home exhausted and hungry for pad thai and Rock of Love 2. Holy shit – that episode with Baby Brett and the roller derby? Quote of the day: Is this real kryptonite?

Monday morning, we decided to check out Whole Foods. For those not in the know, this place originated in Austin so it is their flagship store. It was truly an amazing experience. We walked in and sort of halted, overwhelmed by the magnitude of it all. I got black eyeliner and lip gloss and some white chocolates for my mom. They had the most amazing chocolate bar with a fondue fountain and marzipan and samples.

Fifth rule of traveling: Always have a GPS but if it fails, regroup back at home.

After some regrouping, we finally made it to the outskirts of Texas to visit some vineyards. We made it to Mandola’s and Driftwood but due to the late start and the regrouping, we didn’t have time to make the entire winery route. Let me just state for the record that I don’t believe in past lives, but I think I owned a vineyard in my past life. Something feels so right when I’m on one. I feel at home, at peace, and completely at ease. Same thing happened when I went to Nappa Valley. Even trips to wineries in RI make me feel serenity like nothing else. We did the tastings and then each bought a glass to sip while we watched the sunset. After we got a little buzz on, we found our way to the Salt Lick which is a real Texas BBQ joint. It was good food, but I didn’t catch on until later that my cold mashed potatoes were actually potato salad. And since it was a dry county, we weren’t able to order drinks. But that was probably a good thing.

Since we were still slightly buzzed, we felt it was the appropriate time to hit the Draught House and Pub. I started with a Scottish brew “because I am Scottish” and then had some of Adrienne’s chocolate stout. We made our way around the outside patio, mimicking the photos on the fence. They were of these really traditional, vintage beer labels. Quote of that day: We’ve done every one in this place except that guy! (as I pointed to a lager Duke on the wall – with a cute guy sitting next to it). Needless to say, we were quite a big hit at this place.

The next day we made our way to the SoCo section of Austin, which is exactly like SoHo. Read: Shops with awesome stuff you cant afford. We made our way around Allen’s Boots and discovered that $500 cowgirl boots were not the way to go for us. Then we went through a vintage store called Uncommon Finds and discovered that uncommon really means overwhelming piles of antique junk – a friggen Polaroid of someone you don’t know - $2?!?! Are these people insane?

Today’s inside joke: See photo above.

But after all that, it was time to head back to the airport. When I got there, I checked in under my Southwest flight, as the Chicago one was delayed. Not 5 minutes later, I got a call from American that said my flight was canceled due to weather and they would rebook me for a full 24 hours later. That wasn’t going to work so I ended up getting a refund for the ride home. Now even though I swear I’m never fucking flying again, I’ll feel obligated to use this ticket voucher to get to Hawaii when BFF touches down there for her next assignment. Or anywhere else she lands for that matter.

I love you so much, BFF. You really made my trip one of the best times of my life. Sing this in the Golden Girls theme song voice “Thank you for being a friend…”

I put the photos up on Kodak Gallery, but if I don’t have your email, I didn’t send you the invite. Get your email to me and I’ll send them.

Mwah, ya'll!!!!!!!!!!!!!