Murphopolis

Here is my ring! (worn on my RIGHT hand ring finger)

Now, I don’t want anyone to think any different: MY DOG IS VERY SWEET AND NICE AND PERFECT.

But, um... he has a dark side. No joke. This is evidenced in the nicknames my friends have given him... The Trasher (because he eats trash like its going out of style and The Purse Snatcher (because he has an affinity for the sweet ass taste that is Coach).

But other than beating up a chocolate lab puppy who charged us on a walk one day and the snowshoe rabbit incident, he hasn’t been directly involved in anything murderous. (The snowshoe rabbit incident, you may recall... while walking down a cart trail road, me & BFF came upon a pile of fur in the distance. Well, Murphy got up to it & all of a sudden, said big pile of fur skyrocketed into the air and came down, into Murph’s mouth, who grabbed it by the leg and the rabbit had a serious heart attack and died. On the spot. But my theory is that the rabbit was not healthy to begin with to let a 75 pound golden retriever close enough to smell it and then catch it by the leg. Rabbits are normally superfast.) So anywho... my dog had a semi murder-free rep... that is, until this Saturday afternoon.

Here is the story: Caitlin and I brought him on a one-hour walk. On the ride home, I stopped at this local pond he likes to fish at (yes, my dog has learned to fish, though he hasn’t caught anything yet—hence, still murder free) and ten minutes into it, I realize I cant see him. I hear birds chirping and I see Murph, staring at me, from out near a bunch of brush. I say to him, What are you doing? And he gives me that look, THE LOOK, the one that says, Does she know I’m doing something bad, or can I get away with this?

When he realized I did in fact know he was doing something bad, of which I didn’t exactly know what it was... he went straight into the water... far enough in that he knew I wasn’t going to be going in there after him. That’s when I noticed he was holding his jaw funny. He had something in there... I scream at him from the shore to DROP IT, DROP IT RIGHT NOW and he does...

Out slips a teeny, tiny bird with barely any fur on it, wings outstretched, CRYING... and I see it sink... sink into the deep part of the pond, until I cant see it anymore. I’m outraged and horror stricken at the same time. I cant move. I’m literally standing on the shore with my mouth open, and that’s when I feel the vomit. The vomit comes up into my throat and my mouth waters and I see Murph is just standing there, watching me like, You told me to drop it! At this point, the baby bird is definitely dead or past the point of returning it to the nest regardless. What am I going to do about it, really? Run into the water, feel around for a floating half drowned baby bird and give it mouth to mouth? UGH.

Murph wouldn’t leave the spot in the water at this point, so in a way I was actually thankful that I had some time to count 10. I could have seriously screamed at the top of my lungs and scolded him for life. I was so pissed, I finally, mustered up the calmness required to deal with a murderous dog and told him to get into the truck RIGHT NOW. And he did. I didn’t even let him shake off the water. He was SOAKING wet. We rode home in silence and I thought, God this is what its going to be like to have kids, isn’t it?

And when we got home, I let him out, he shook, and he ran around the yard like a crazy person.

It was ROUGH. Real rough. I called and told my mom the story and she even couldn’t eat dinner! She was on her way to meet up some relatives at a nice restaurant and she told me later she couldn’t eat after that. It was really traumatizing.

So after that experience, I did what any normal 26 year old would do: Watched Madagascar, the movie, and got drunk.

Good times. That movie made me laugh so hard! I love Disney movies... there is def stuff in there only the adults will appreciate.

A weird thing happened at the bar that night... M and I were sitting at the bar. We had been there for about 3 minutes and we’re looking around. M goes, Old folks night. And I go, I wish my brother was here. And M goes, he is! (laughing... so I think he is just teasing me...) I’m like, ha ha, funny, M. No! Really... he is! And I turn around and no joke, my brother is walking into the bar. Crazy talk. Sometimes I can be really intuitive.

Today’s Admission: I have a shopping addiction. I have tried everything to stop. But I cant. I went on another bender Friday afternoon. I just love clothes too much. And I’m pretty sure I will one day be making a makeshift shelter out of all of them when I’m homeless.

Today’s Contents of my Lunchbag: Fruit salad (made with kiwis, nectarines, grapefruit, blueberries and strawberries), a granola bar, strawberry yogurt with choco crunchies, carrots, 2 meatballs (ground turkey with green peppers, garlic, and lots of spices). NO SPINACH!

Ok. Here's to Monday, peeps. Enjoy the hotness.

Today's Hotness: Every once in a while, M will look at me with this look... this starry, silly look. And it melts me every damn time. He did it yesterday, on the drive home from his father's day dinner. He told me, since I didnt have a father, I could share his. And it really made me feel like he not only loved me, but he got me. He understood it was a hard day.

And the best part about dinner was that everyone was ribbing on their little sister for being on her cell phone the ENTIRE time and since I was sitting next to her, someone told me to hit her. I'm like, ya know... I would but I'm not family. I cant do that! And M's dad says to me... YES YOU ARE.

Wow. What an amazing family.