Cultural Competency

Why is it that some of the more ethnically diverse people I know (aka the girls) wear the pants in their relationships? Whereas, us caucasion girls are usually the ones who are desperate to have a boyfriend and therein will do anything to keep him? And I dont qualify that by saying ALL, mind you. I said... SOME. But let's discuss this, shall we?

So ok. I talked to DJ (a Haitian immigrant) about this and she said its because love and marriage is just something that's expected to come your way in her culture. There is no doubt in her mind that she will find an awesome man to love her and fall over her every move. NONE. She's not worried about it at all. And this isnt bullshit. Is that because if you come from a community and everyone is somehow connected and you all kind of know each other so you dont feel lonely if you happen to be single for more than 3 months? Because, when I think about my friends and myself included, I think about the fact that nearly all of us are scared shitless of being -- cringe with me when I say this: ALONE and single until the day we die. At first I thought this was a guy/girl thing. But now I'm wondering if the difference lies somewhere within our race.

DJ says that in her culture, they focus the kids on education. Maybe that's because they barely get one unless they work hard for it and then once they have it, there is a certain pressure to maintain success. I dont know. I mean, we're told to go to college in order to get a good job too, but maybe the value is kind of one that's just expected instead of one you have to work really hard for. Like how love and marriage is just expected for the other races.

Could this be a case of the cultural divide?

Is there something we should learn from this detached attitude? Because I have single friends who are amazing and I cant figure out why there arent 40 men lined up, begging to have them. Can I include myself in this?

But isnt the point that we should even really be worried about it?

And when DJ's boyfriend needs to pay bills, he gives her his check and she pays them. When he wants to go out with friends, he asks her permission. Now, dont get the wrong impression. They are very happy together and expecting a baby. And she's good to him. And he's a great guy. But I just cant shake the fact that none of my white girlfriends would be able to accomplish that. NONE.

Is that because men in our culture are taught that they wear the pants and end of story? That they are MEN and so they have some inherent powers over the way the universe works? Because I dont know of any men who really are that good to their girlfriends. They all just kinda suck.

Ahhhh. I dont know what else to say about this topic. Just venting.