The Man Machine

So a friend of mine is wondering about the lifelong question we all ask ourselves: What is wrong with me?

Well, let’s examine this in terms of expectations first.

I have been in a relationship for over 5 years now. I have def had my ups and downs, but through everything, we have stayed together. Even really horrible things. We stuck it out. We put a smile on our faces and moved on. I had boyfriends in college; one that I loved and one that I hated. But we had fun too. We got drunk. We toured Wyoming in 6 days. We drank some more. I barely remember most of it. But here’s the thing: I’ve never been really single. I met M 3-4 months after I graduated which gave me just enough time to settle into the 9-5 world and move back home with my mom. Poof. Right into the biggest relationship of my life.

And my expectations have changed over 5 years. At first, I didn’t really want to date M. I was kinda pushed into it because one of my best friends thought he was cute. And I did too. It was just that I felt like he had a bad rep and I didn’t see it going anywhere… honestly, in part because he was so much “cooler” than me. I had this idea of him from high school and I thought him liking me was kinda a fluke. Yuck it up, folks. But I’m just being honest. So I guess you could say I gave him a chance. And look where we find ourselves. Yesterday we walked Murph and as we are skipping down the road I grab his shoulders and yell – WE’RE GETTING MARRIED! I don’t really know what possessed me, esp since we have been recently in a rough patch that made me rethink the entire marriage idea altogether, but I did it. And we laughed hysterically. In the middle of the street. With Murph on the leash. In the dark, cold night. We laughed so much, it hurt. And M yells out… NOT YET… BUT SOMEDAY! And we laughed some more. It was almost a release of all the expectations that have built up from the time we met until now. We’ll do it someday and that will have to be good enough for now.

So later on that night, I saw a commercial for Fallon Health Plan. And there is a couple sitting at a table doing finances or something and suddenly the woman who is stunningly beautiful gets down on one knee and asks the guy who is NOT even CUTE to marry her. Now. Step back. Of course the woman is asking because in real life men don’t ask women to marry them, unless given some sort of ultimatum or at least some very strong clue that they will say Yes if asked with the right setting and ring. And so it goes. Oh yes, I am going to do this… Women in the world today are much more beautiful than their male counterparts. And is this because of the cosmetic industry? Do we just have more options (hair, makeup?) that can mold us into really beautiful human specimens? Men have the choice of beard, no beard? That’s the secret of the universe?

So my point is that in 5 years of having a boyfriend I have seen or met ONE man that I would consider dating, if I was single. And he has a girlfriend. Of course. Because the way of the world is that there is an overabundance of women who are beautiful, successful and perfect. And the men they can choose from are just not up to par. Let’s be honest.

And further, our expectations are skewed from shows that we all love… Grey’s Anatomy anyone? Does this show have an ounce of reality to it? NO. Do you think there is some woman out there who looks like an underfed alien with weird feathered hair is being fought over by McDreamy and that guy who was in that movie with Al Pacino when he played a crazy blind veteran and did the tango with that French actress? NO.

But there is still hope. Despite all this, there is hope. Look, there is nothing wrong with us. There are a million things wrong with the universe. Its not fair. It doesn’t make sense and it breaks my heart to think that one very special friend of mine that I would do anything for is in pain over this. Because to me, she’s the most beautiful girl I know. There is nothing wrong with her. And it makes me wish I could build her a perfect match.

I would make him funny, smart, and loyal. Then if I had some more time to finish him up, I would make him honest and not too good looking (because she always picks the gorgeous ones). I would give him a good job and a nice apt. I would give him a good family and ambition. I would make him very close to being good enough for her, if that were even really an option.

But I cant build a man.

I can barely build on my current relationship with a man. A man who is in no way perfect. But maybe that’s the point. He’s just barely perfect enough for me. So when we are put together, we complement each other. And we clash. And fight. But we’re still going to wake up next to each other every morning and go to bed every night, arguing about leaving the TV on or not.

And I guess that’s really what I wish for her.