There are no right answers, only opinions.

Today is Friday, which means that I have a hard day ahead at work. We went live on Monday with the new website and announced it on Wednesday to the department. No problems so far – knock on wood. But the greatest challenge is going to be updating the information for each program. This obviously should have been done before “go live” but faculty doesn’t seem to notice, or understand anything that is theoretically “dead” so you do what you have to do, i.e., you shock their systems with content that may or may not be exactly how they want to present themselves… to the entire universe.

But we’ll get there.

I feel like I should say that I might have given the impression that I was a quitter in my post on grad school. And I’m not. I’m going to stick it out. Most importantly, I’m going to have a better attitude about it. I’m even going to do laundry while I read the two chapters plus reading assignment over the wkd. And even though K has graciously offered to give me her assignments, I’m going to pass. I’m actually looking forward to creating a website for Wood and Stone Designs. Remember them? And “brushing up on my Access” in the process.

In other news, I saw my nephew last night for the second time and he just gets better looking. He’s amazing. He makes the most interesting facial expressions (furrowed little brow included) and doesn’t cry much. He actually kept trying to open his eyes from a deep sleep while I was holding him and you could see that they were not in focus. He was trying hard to get them to look at me, but he couldn’t quite get the job done. Amy said that she’s been reading a lot about babies and studies show that they can smell if their mom is near and they can feel the energy of the people around them or holding them. I thought to myself, Wow, just like dogs! (I watch quite a bit of the Dog Whisper on the National Geographic channel. Awesome show. Check it out sometime.)

I also have a new problem. Since my job requires me to be online most of the day and since even my mini-breaks include being online checking out such phenomenal postings as perezhilton.com, I find that my vision is rapidly deteriorating. And that’s scary. In fact, my eyes are so blurry by the end of each day that I have to wear my glasses to see things that I haven’t need to use them for in the past. It’s almost starting to feel like I need my glasses to see the computer because it’s far away. Though in the past, I never had a problem. What do I do about that? Any ideas? I am going to start taking more breaks and walking away from my office. But I am really fearful that this is fucking up my vision beyond the normal amount and I don’t know how to stop that.

In other health-related news, I have successfully begun the decent into M&M notoriety. I have eaten my way through almost an entire 3.5 pound bag of chocolate M&Ms. Now that may not sound truly amazing, but hear me out: I thought that the bag was at least 8 lbs before reading the label – that’s how heavy it feels – and I think I have acquired a new cavity from all the sugar.

I also should report that I have officially not succeeded in not buying anything for an entire month. Today I spent $40 online on apparel – because it was cheap as hell. But you already know that from reading the post below. So that means I am to do nothing all weekend and through the entire next week in order to make up the difference in my budget. No 501s, no dinners, nothing.

Hold up. Maybe I shouldn’t punish myself. See. It’s hard to strike that balance between living your life in the now and saving for the future. I could die tomorrow and all the money I have saved will be meaningless. You can’t take it with you.

Tell me how it’s done. I can’t seem to wrestle out the secret. When you don’t have something – eg money – you tend to focus on acquiring it. But money will not buy you happiness either. So where’s the healthy balance?

Though my sister did sell a lot of my jewels last weekend so I guess I could allot the money in my budget for spending to that instead of savings, which is where I put it.

Sticking to a budget is very difficult, friends. But I’m glad I made one. It’s so much easier to keep a realistic tally on what you do spend your money on. I had no idea I spent so much on food. Wow. I’m not a foodie by any stretch of the imagination and I’m skinny too. Can you imagine being a mom with four kids? You prob need a part time job just to feed your family.

And while we are on that subject… I just have to throw this out there. My sister and I have talked about how we can have kids and afford them. No one has given us a handout in our entire lives. We have made our own ways and done pretty damn well, I must say. Now houses are a little ways off, but that’s ok. I’ve come to grips with that. I have to have patience because I cant only do what I can do for myself. But here’s our discussion points: we know people who have taken alternate shifts in order for one parent to be home with the children during the day and one parent to be home at night. These people do not see each other, save maybe a kiss on the cheek as they pass the child to one another while running out the door. They work opposite each other. The wife has given up a well paid traditional 9-5 in order to work at a discount store because the hours are more accommodating and she can work from 5-11pm and on weekends. The husband can’t continue to do overtime because the schedule is so tight so therefore, the money is pretty tight too.

Now that I’ve set the scene… let me think about how to put this lightly…

Would you give up your relationship with your husband and your career… for a child?

Now, not everyone has to make this choice and God bless. People have money, people have older parents who can retire early and babysit. People have freelance jobs and different work opportunities afforded to them. People choose to let their children grow up in the company of a nanny or child care center. And I see nothing wrong with any of that. And the truth is that maybe you only make that sacrifice for 3 years and then enroll the child in preschool. But what if you roll over one day after all this and you dont recognize the man you fell in love with after 3 years of not seeing each other. What then?

But, honestly, and this is a rhetorical question (I don’t expect any replies to this because I don’t have an answer myself – just something to think about): Would you be willing to give it all up to have a child?

And if you do, what if… just WHAT IF… it isn’t all worth the price?

Chew on that.

What a wonderful way to leave ya’ll for the wkd.