My First Sale, Folks.

Seriously. WTF is going on right now?

Seems like everyone is having a hard time at life right now... Can we all just blame it on the weather? I for one, cried last night for no reason. I was in the car, driving home and I just started crying. The thing is, I couldn’t pinpoint why I was sad at all. Was it Coldplay’s Fix You that just gets me to the core every damn time? Was it the fact that I got some news that signals the end of some kind of childhood era? Or was it just the weather?

Or could it be the fact that I feel responsible... for everything. Responsibility. I have so much of it. And I have the strange reversed kind. Think about it: Being responsible for another human being. And a dog.

I’m talking about my mom.

You know when one of your parents is not married, you feel responsible for taking care of them. You feel like you need to be there for them so they aren’t lonely. You need to make sure they are ok and that they get all the help they need around the house. Well it was Mother’s Day yesterday and I spent 7 hours with my mom. Seven hours. And when I got back home finally to start prepping for the week, I get a phone call that she was alone and didn’t want to be. It just broke my heart into a thousand pieces. The thing is, what was I going to do? Go back there and never leave again? It’s just not realistic. And she understands we all have our own lives and yada yada. But I just cant shake the feeling that I should be there for her at every moment she feels lonely because well, that’s what she would do for me. And there is nothing worse than feeling alone. And its unsettling to not measure up to that. I just feel like if my siblings could share some of the load, I could feel more free. More able to do what I want and go where I want to go... and that includes the dog. I love that damn dog more than most of my relatives, but its quite another feeling to be responsible for him... Monday-Thursday evenings and weekends.

I guess I have a lot of growing up to do in order to feel really ready to be responsible for another life. And a house and a mortgage and a husband. God, I’m 26 and my mom did all that at the ripe old age of 24... with 3 kids. And then she did it alone. Fuck. Where do people find this courage?

Today’s Totally Jill Work Tale: I gave the CEO the program to edit while my boss was away last Monday. The program went to the printer on Thursday, even though I never got any corrections back. Today, I come into work and there is the proofread copy... from the CEO... covered in corrections. Oh really? I told my boss, I don’t know what you want to do with these... but the files are gone to the printer. So basically, she can eat shit and die. Ha ha.

Today’s Weekend Recap: A lot of drinking on Friday after seeing the most beautiful yellow diamond engagement ring I’ve ever seen in my life. YEP NOT FOR ME. Don’t get all excited. My mom had seen it & since it was so rare to find a fancy yellow diamond, I had to go visit it @ the pawn shop for myself. And here’s regretting I ever did. That thing was hard to put back into the bulletproof case. Saturday brought more rain and about 4 sparse tables at the Farmers Market. So we passed on that... and watched Kong for 8 hours that night... longest. Movie. Ever. Sunday was Mother’s Day so I cleaned my mom’s house and I made her throw out a lot of crap. Plus my bro made the most amazing turkey burger I’ve ever eaten. And I’ve eaten a lot of good burgers in my day.

And I’ve attached a pic of my first sale. My first actual sale.... is the ugliest pair of Native American looking earrings I have ever made. Ha ha. You can say it. FUG. But you know what? I knew someone out there was going to eat these up. And there you have it.