The Universe is Intent on Stealing my Sight

A few weeks ago, I lost my contacts. Vanished into thin air. Gone. And to this day, they still have not turned up. I had left them on my mom’s downstairs bathroom sink rim and left to go home to my apt. When I came back 12 hours later, they were gone.

Now, imagine the coincidence of missing glasses. Last night, M was on his way over to walk Murph with me so I made a quick snack and then went upstairs to change, just as he was pulling in the driveway. I had thought I had my glasses hanging around my collar of my shirt but at some point, I would’ve had to take them off to pull my shirt off and change into walking clothes. I came back downstairs into the kitchen to make M a snack and we got ready to roll. As we’re walking out the door, I realize I’m missing my glasses. So I look for them. Then M looks for them... then we start tearing the house up looking for them. Both of us are so frustrated we’re getting heated with each other and I’m so upset and aggravated I could puke. Then Murphy is following us around because he thought we were going on a walk and he’s wondering, What is the hold-up? So we decide to take a break, clear our heads and go walk Murph. While we’re on the walk, I try to visualize where I last had them. I’m having chest pains. And I really feel like I had them on my shirt in my room. But then again, I could’ve had them on my shirt while I was playing with Murph in the yard too. I just cant imagine putting them down somewhere. I really cant picture anything. I’m a big blank canvas.

So when we get home I tear my room apart again. M combs the entire overgrown lawn. I turn the kitchen upside down, looking through the fridge, every crack and every turn in every room, regardless of whether or not I had set foot in there at all that day. I’m exhausted. I’m starving. I feel like I want to kill someone.

NOTHING.

My glasses are just... GONE.

Now it starts to freak me out because I just lost my contacts too. WHAT IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW? If this were a novel, this “weird coincidence” of losing articles of sight would definitely be some kind of foreshadowing. I could write a short story about this in no time.

But M is of course telling me I’m crazy and that things don’t disappear into thin air and that I put them somewhere and I just don’t remember where. But if that were the case, wouldn’t you eventually find them? And even my mom, who is my ace in the hole when it comes to finding things, told me this morning that she couldn’t find them. Tore the house apart, underneath couches, behind toilets... everywhere.

CAN I GET A BIG GIANT WHAT THE FUCK?

I am thinking that my late grandmother is fucking with me, telling me that eventually I’m going to lose my sight, go blind... and this is her way of warning me. To tell me that I should appreciate my sight while I have it. Or she is telling me I’m not seeing something clearly. Something in my life isn’t right and in order to fix it, I need some new perspective. I need to seek something elsewhere? I don’t know. A co-worker, who is very mystical, just talked to me a little bit about it and suggested that I’m entering a new phase in life where I wont need my physical eyesight as much. I’ll have a much more sensory eyesight, which will help me see what’s right for me. Where I’m going, who I’m going there with. I know this sounds strange, but I have always had this crazy intuition about things. Almost to the point of psychicness.

I’m exhausted with thoughts about this.

What do you guys think? Doesn’t this freak you out? Or I am being “crazy” like M says and that I just misplaced them... even though we combed the entire house and lawn looking for them? DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO YOU TOO?

In other news, I’m up to my eyeballs in artwork. My office is a JOKE right now. We found out that a major city fundraiser is being held that same night and that our own CHAIR of the event is going to this fundraiser... and then coming late to our show. Whatever. If no one is there, its less shit for me to clean up.

And MARISSA DIED on The OC last night. I don’t think I’ll watch that show anymore. She was really the main character I was always interested in. The drama, the men. The CLOTHES. I love my OC but how cheese was the scene? Ryan was carring her lifeless body from a burning wreckage... and it explodes in the background? Um, where have I seen that before? Oh, about 12,000 B action movies maybe.

And I have my contacts in, which means I’m sitting as far away as possible from my computer screen with my arms outstretched, typing on the keyboard. I'm nearsighted, obviously. I’m debating if I should just take them out. Ok. I’m back and I just took them out. What was I going to do? Sit like that all day?

We’re getting donuts today for someone's bday, which was on May 2nd. LATE MUCH? But hey, I’ll take em. I just told my boss to get me a chocolate covered one because I'm hungry. AM I A KID OR HER EMPLOYEE? Seriously. Sometimes I just dont act professional at all.

It’s seriously so depressing out right now. It looks like some dismal movie from the turn of the century shot in England. England is dismal. New England is currently HELL.

Just called my eye doctor and the bitch was like, Yep, we can have those ready for you on Wednesday.

MOTHER EFFING WEDNESDAY? Is she crazy? Does she get that I need them to SEE? Not like, just to wear for fashionable reasons?

I’m really discouraged today. I feel like crawling back into bed and never getting out. I’m just so sick of bullshit. I’m so sick of this FUCKING Seattle WEATHER. I cant take it.

I just cant stand everything today.

How about that for telling it like it is?